Can You Save Me? #4
2018.05.02. 10:17, zoejones
I was crying in my room.
The tears were running down my cheeks like fast rivers, but it was my heart that was burning like hell. Still I couldn’t hate Loki. I loved him with all my heart, I loved him all the same and I knew that it would never change. He stole my heart and he would keep it forever no matter how he was unaware of this fact, no matter how much he wouldn’t care about me. He was the master of lies, still this time he didn’t tell a lie. He didn’t bother about being nice or polite to me, to save me from being ridiculed by a big company of people - he was honest and he didn’t care about the pain and damage he could cause to me.
I was curling on my bed, still sobbing, hugging myself, wrapped in self-pity when I felt something cold sliding up my legs. It was like an icy hand stroking my skin softly. I knew something was happening somewhere in the castle and it meant something bad. Maybe Loki was in danger! He was the God of Mischief but that is why he could put himself in so many dangerous situations.
I didn’t hesitate because I wanted to know what had happened and what was going on. Probably he didn’t need my help, he never needed the help of others (and he wouldn’t get any, to be honest). I jumped out of my bed and started to run back to the dining hall.
The dinner didn’t seem to be finished - it was simply interrupted. By the arrival of some unwanted guests.
Everyone was sitting on their seats completely motionless, frozen, with a pale face, as if they had been glued to them. No one dared to speak or look at their neighbours. Some women were crying softly, more people were slightly shivering, either with fear or with anger. I smelled fear everywhere.
The members of the royal family were also sitting, just as when I had left them. Odin and Frigga seemed to be calm, they could keep the mask of tranquility as always, but Thor was about to explode. He pressed his lips together and his fingers grabbed the edge of the stone table so hard that it had cracked a little. I knew he would have jumped up and grabbed Mjölnir and killed - if his parents hadn’t ordered him otherwise.
Loki was standing in front of their table. He looked calm and amused, with a naughty smile on his face as if this whole scene had entertained him well. He kept his arms near his hips, in a relaxed position, his long fingers rested on his thighs. I saw a bluish shade on his skin but it lasted only for a moment. He didn’t move - he seemed to be waiting for something.
Three frost giants were standing in front of Loki. All of them were huge, blue-skinned, with a wrinkled ugly face and burning red eyes, showing sharp white teeth while grinning. Their naked body looked strong and rude. A couple of similar giants were surrounding the hall, armed with nothing but their tremendous muscular body.
I wondered how they could get to Asgard. Was it Loki’s plan, did he show them the way? He still looked surprised, though a little amused.
- Loki! What the hell is this?! - demanded Thor angrily.
Loki shrugged and leaned his buttocks against the table in a fairly lazy manner. He was the model of patience and calmness - in a total contrast with his brother.
- I have no idea - he turned to the leaders of the giants - What do you want?
- I am Ymiri, the leader of the envoys from Jotunheim. Come and be our king. It is your destiny. - said the middle giant.
He seemed to be the strongest and the oldest one of the giants. There were five thin scars along his forehead and they made his face look more frightening.
Loki laughed. He didn’t seem to be surprised or scared by seeing frost giants in Asgard or by their surprising request.
- Is it my destiny to rule that shitty cold place? No way.
The giants seemed hurt, their growing anger was felt all over the hall. Ymiri’s face distorted a little, but he tried to stay civilized.
- It is rather disrespectful of you to talk like this. That is your birthplace, your home. We want you to come back with us.
We want you? Bad words to tell Loki, I thought. He despised orders and commands and such words were enough for him to disobey. Like this time.
Loki looked a little furious and annoyed as he straightened up, left the table and made a step towards Ymiri. His eyebrows formed a curious mark on his clever forehead.
- I think you are a little mistaken, my icy friends - he said softly, with a mischievous grin.
- Loki… - Frigga tried to warn him on a hardly audible voice, but we all knew that it was too late.
- No one will ever tell me what to do. Especially not some crazy snowmen - Loki added the last words with a little louder and crisper tone.
All the giants growled angrier for these further insults, while the Asgardians became more scared. Thor was squirming on his chair impatiently, I could hear him breathing heavily. Only Loki and the royal couple could preserve their cold blood.
- Should I understand that you don’t want to come with us without resistance? - Ymiri asked narrowing his red eyes.
- Excuse me? What do you mean by without resistance? - Loki giggled as if he had been told a great joke.
Ymiri seemed to have a hard time to keep his patience.
- You must come with us and no one will get hurt.
Loki blew the air from his lungs noisily, looking bored and he shook his head a little as if he couldn’t have understood the foolishness and stubbornness of the blue-skinned guests.
- My words sounded as a request but they weren’t one. - Ymiri spoke slowly.
Loki turned his head a little left, his cheerful smile quickly became an icy grin. I couldn’t help but admire his courage and bravery.
- As I said, no way. Asgard is the place I want to rule, not the asshole of old whining snowmen.
The leader of the giants stepped forward. His body remained relaxed but his deep voice promised a thunder of anger and demolition.
- You arrogant little piece of nothing. You will pay for this dearly.
Loki didn’t seem impressed or scared at all. He simply laughed at these words, while Ymiri was preparing for the next step. He lifted his arm and everyone saw how his hand turned into a huge icy sword.
I had no moment to lose. I jumped in front of Loki, defending him with my body, so the icy sword ran deep into my stomach. The pain was unbearable and I felt my blood turning into ice, freezing me to death. I had to hurry because I didn’t have much time left.
I heard cries and screams and I heard Frigga’s voice but all these noises were muffled as I turned back and saw Loki. I smiled at him and he looked at me completely surprised, deeply shocked and astonished and he was unable to understand what I was doing there at all. For the first time, I could discover a little fear in his eyes, but that was what I couldn’t believe that I saw it well. Loki never felt any fear.
Still watching his beautiful face, feeling his breath on my face, it all gave me the power to survive until it was needed.
- Take care, my beloved Prince, and take care of your tongue next time.
He tried to open his mouth, maybe to reply, but I couldn’t hear anything anymore. I leaned back, watching him closely, with a tender smile, and while I was falling behind, my body turned into a huge temple of fire, hot flames were splashing all over, attacking the leader giants, grabbing them and turning them into mere puddles of water. Then when all of the giants were killed, I simply disappeared like smoke in the air. It was so easy and it gave me such a feeling of freedom and peace I had never felt before.
Loki was standing like a frozen statue, only his chest was moving as he was breathing heavily, and his glowing blue eyes were mesmerised, staring at the place I had stood. He couldn’t believe his eyes.
Can You Save Me? #3
2018.05.01. 14:41, zoejones
I spent the night watching him sitting there motionless, while I was hiding behind my curtains. If he happened to notice me, he never showed it.
I couldn’t take my eyes off his perfect features, the face that had been haunting me for such a long time and that would haunt me till my last breath, his silky raven black hair falling on his shoulders, curling around his neck, his soft skin, slightly glimmering in a bluish shine in the night, his slender body and his back curving slightly, his perfectly formed long arms and legs, between which I craved to be so much. I wondered how sweet scent he had, what it was like to smell his neck, to taste his lips and his body. All this impossible hunger kept on devouring me when I could admire him for a longer time.
The moonlight poured his figure all over so I could even see him smiling. That lovely smile appeared on his face only for a short time, for a few minutes, but it made him look even more beautiful - it was such a rare and such a breathtaking sight that I shivered all over.
It was about three o’ clock in the morning when he slowly stood up, gracefully climbed off, then walked into the library. I guessed he had enough of the night air and of thinking, so he went back to his room to sleep. I did the same in my room, saying thanks for the wonderful experience.
I didn’t see him till dinner time. I was busy with my studies with Frigga, we were spending the whole day in her garden among the herbs. She was a strict teacher but I enjoyed every moment of her lessons.
During the dinner, suddenly Loki became the topic of the conversation between the men. One of them mentioned Thor’s ex-girlfriends, and all those funny stories and the qualities of the girls were being discussed. My presence was ignored as if I had been only the part of the furniture but I didn’t mind it as I was watching Loki and admiring his beauty as always.
I was grabbed out of my dreams when I heard someone say his name. They were talking about him and his loneliness, not loudly, not to be heard by the royal family, just giggling and mocking him as most people always did - behind his back.
Suddenly Volstagg’s cousin, a fat annoying man, whose face reminded me of a rat, started laughing hard:
- Come on, that loser doesn’t have a girlfriend, he never had one, and no princess would ever marry him! Not for all the treasury of Asgard!
I lost my head hearing such rude comments about him. I forgot about myself completely and I replied softly, but clearly audibly:
- I cannot imagine a greater honour than to be Prince Loki’s wife.
The next moment I wish I could have bitten off my tongue. I could keep my secret for so long and now I gave it away in front of a huge crowd, including Loki himself! How could I have been so clumsy?
I never wanted anyone to know my secret. I was not ashamed of loving him. Most girls were in love with Thor or other blonde young fighters, and very few liked Loki. His dark features, the gossip (and the truth that he was actually a frost giant), his lies and mischiefs, the way he betrayed others and left them behind, his sense of humour - these things made him unpopular with girls, no matter how good-looking, sharp or intelligent he was, no matter how many magical qualities and tricks he had, no matter if he saved and defended Thor and his adoptive parents a few times. His lies and betrayals demolished all his good qualities and deeds in others’ eyes. For me, he was the ultimate hero who was never arrogant and who dared to show his weakness. He was simply misunderstood, a hurt child who wanted to win the heart and the approval of his family and sometimes he didn’t think about the way to reach his goals.
It was great that Loki didn’t hear me but I was sure that someone would tell him as soon as possible. Hopefully I would not be there at that very moment.
But I couldn’t be glad of this idea long because this annoying man jumped up at the next moment and almost shouted, pointing at me:
- Prince Loki! Here is someone who would die to be your wife!
Of course the royal family and half the company heard his announcement so clearly as if he had told it in a completely silent building.
I wished I could have disappeared but when I saw Loki’s reaction, I wanted my own instant death instead. I was sure that I had never felt such a huge pain before. Not even when I was told that I had lost my family even though I loved them. This betrayal went far more, far deeper into my foolish heart, showing me perfectly how damned in love I was with him.
Loki looked at me with sheer boredom, with a pinch of disgust. His eyes were dead, his lips seemed even thinner than before. He was pure refusal on two legs.
- Hmm, no, thanks.
Everyone was laughing around me, not too loudly, but it was just enough to make me feel rather uncomfortable and ashamed. The other three members of the royal family showed their perfect manners, keeping a polite cool face. Thor looked at me surprised, being unable to believe me loving his brother. Frigga was watching me tenderly, her eyes whispering words of love, support and couragement.
It took all my strength to stand up, take an elegant and respectful bow towards Loki and say with a tender smile:
- It would still be an honour for me, His Majesty. - then I left the hall with solid steps but so shivering body.
I could hardly stand on my feet and I wondered how come I didn’t fall. My heart was bleeding and aching, my face was wearing the blood red colour of shame but I managed to keep my pride and dignity.
Loki looked at me for a long moment with a kind of disappointment and annoyance, then he turned his head to reach for more veal. No one called me back, no one defended me or ran after me. I had a few friends but this time no one chose to stand by me. I couldn’t care less. It was painful to see that Loki never noticed me - but it was a fatal blow to know that he, the love of my life, despised me and thought nothing of me.
Can You Save Me? #2
2018.04.30. 10:18, zoejones
Near the end of the dinner Thor started to tell a story that made his parents and those who were sitting close to him, laugh. Loki didn’t even smile. He finished eating his grapes, wiped his mouth with a napkin and glimpsed at the ceiling with a bored look.
I was wondering what could have been bothering him so much. It must have been something personal, otherwise Odin and Thor must have been troubled too. Did someone hurt him? Did any of his plans fail or was he working on a difficult plan? Why were only Frigga and me who cared?
When the dinner ended, everyone walked to their own chambers or outside. I heard that Thor invited his friends for a ride but when I turned around and saw them leave, I noticed that Loki had disappeared.
I went to my room. I wanted to read before going to sleep however I knew so well that I was going to sit with a book in my laps while daydreaming about Loki. I did it every night before falling asleep. Sometimes át daytime as well, especially when he was away. It was really pathetic and he would have died of laughing at me if he had known about it.
Before entering my room, I heard someone called my name. I turned around and saw a little black-haired boy staring at me half-hiding behind a long curtain. He was wearing some dark green clothes and he was smiling shyly.
- Who are you? May I help you?
At that moment one of the older maids appeared with a cry of joy, finding her son, wrapping him tight into her arms.
For a moment I had the idea that the little boy was Loki in disguise. It was one of his favourite pastimes to appear in the form of someone else, making fun of others, cajoling secrets and secret confessions out of others.
I remembered an evening when he disguised himself of Thor, making such nasty fun of one of Thor’s friends that everyone except Thor and Houdan (the friend) rolled from laughter. Even Odin couldn’t stand hiding his smile. Loki was punished anyway, Houdan caught him three nights later and beat him up as a warning. Loki, having a large purple spot under his left eye and a little swollen upper lip, acted as if nothing had happened and that event didn’t make him stop. He simply became more careful.
But this time it was not him.
Why can’t I take you out of my head? Okay, you are beautiful and clever and you have the courage and the power to attract anyone, but why do I keep on thinking of you, wanting you? When you ignore me, when you have never said a word to me, not even a simple greeting?
Suddenly I heard his voice clearly: “I wish you were here.” As if he were standing close to me, half-whispering into my ear. It was his voice but where was he?! I turned around in panic however I couldn’t see him anywhere. I ran into my room and closed the door.
I needed some fresh air so I opened the window. And then I could see where he was. Sitting on the edge of the balcony, just a few metres from me. That balcony belonged to the library and it was open all the time. Loki was sitting on the stone edge, his long legs hanging above the depth of the mountain. His hands were resting in his laps, his piercing blue eyes searching for something behind the skies. His lips were a little open but I couldn’t hear his voice anymore that night.
Can You Save Me? #1
2018.04.29. 11:07, zoejones
This was a beautiful day in Asgard. I was sitting by the window of the palace and watching the sunshine playing among the fresh green leaves of the nearby trees. It was spring and the scent of flowers curled around my lungs.
Loki was coming. His tall and thin body was moving with a special grace, his beautiful oval face emotionless, his blue eyes sweeping through everyone and everything like the wind, his thin lips pressed tight together. His leather coat and trousers were like his own skin. My heart jumped and I did my best to hide my emotions. That I was in love with him since I first arrived at the castle.
I stayed motionless and dared to look at him only from the corner of my eyes. However I should not have been afraid as he never noticed me, not even when I happened to face him during a dance or on the corridor. He didn’t see me. I couldn’t hear his steps anymore.
Suddenly I heard the bells ringing and I realised that it was time to visit Frigga. She was like a godmother to me since I lost my mother. Since I lost my family during the war against the Threrachurians. She kind of adopted me and gave me all the love, care and attention a young lady could ask for. I slipped on the floor and hurried to Frigga.
The corridors were empty, most people enjoyed the lovely weather outside. When I tried to enter her room, I felt as if a whirlwind had caught me and pushed me off my feet. Loki was rushing out of the room, with an angry face and a dangerous mood, giving me no attention, just pushing me aside as if I were a leaf or something. One of the guards helped me stand up while I was watching Loki hiding my sadness. He didn’t even turn around or look back. I was invisible to him.
You don’t notice me, you look through me as if I were a window. You didn’t feel me. But I felt you, I felt your body touching mine for a short moment, making it revive and wanting more of you. I was sure that Frigga knew my secret about my love for his foster son, and that I was a little sad after my last encounter with him, but she would never mention it. As would she never mention to anyone why Loki was angry. She kept all her secrets and the secrets of other people to herself. She was pure perfection in manners, the kind of lady I wanted to be.
We spent two hours together, then she asked me to accompany her to dinner. I completely forgot how late it was and that it was really dinner time. We walked to the huge dining hall, whose walls were covered with tremendous windows through which you could see the dark blue night sky, showered with bright stars.
On the right stood the long table where the royal family members had their own seats: Odin, Frigga, Thor, and Loki. Facing them, the other tables were arranged in a U-form, so all the guests and friends could enjoy their meal with the biggest gods, watching them and talking to their own neighbours. The dinner was always a generous feat with different kinds of soups, meat dishes, desserts, fruits and of course wine and water. Servants kept on running around with steaming bowls and dirty plates, being ready to serve the owners of the hungry bellies. Some soft harp music was played in the background but the sweet melodies were suppressed by the loud chatting and laughter of the big company.
I had my seat the closest to the royal table, next to one of Thor’s friends, Volstagg. This giant-like man was a perfect companion because he always ate something and he didn’t want to talk to me anyway, so I could just consume my food and admire Loki, who was sitting at the end of the royal table. Neither Volstagg nor the others around me paid any attention to me, but I was glad because of this and I would have never choose another seat. It was so easy to hide behind Volstagg when Loki happened to look my way. It happened rarely.
So I was sitting and eating my mashed potatoes with cranberry souce and I was listening to the lady facing me complaining about her lazy maid. She was getting some advice but she kept on yammering.
And there he was. Loki, the dark prince. He was eating a piece of roasted pork with graceful movements and he seemed to concentrate on something on his plate. He rarely looked up but he didn’t look at anyone longer for a moment. He was lost in his own thoughts, or maybe plans. He was the God of Mischief after all, he was always ready for fun or nasty surprises. No one but me paid any attention to him, except his mother, who didn’t say a word but her eyes watching him showed her caring and tenderness. I wondered how much tenderness and infatuation my eyes showed while I couldn’t take my eyes off him, his beautiful face, his nervous mouth, his shiny hair, curling along his neck.
Suddenly Loki looked up and our eyes met. I was so surprised and scared at the same time, I felt as if someone had poured a bucket of icy water on me. I really hoped he couldn’t read my mind and I blushed a little. His glance caught mine for a long moment, but he didn’t seem to see me or the change of colour on my face at all. Then he smirked and looked away, continuing his dinner.